Put a Bow on It!

What does being a feminist mean to you?
What does being a woman mean to you?

I am not your ordinary feminist.

I wake up in the morning. Wash my face. Do my hair. Line my lips and curl my lashes.
I dress my son and feed him breakfast.
I fasten my husband’s cuff links and prep his lunch.
I let men open doors for me and carry heavy bags.
I ask my husband to take the car to the mechanic.
I encourage him to make more money than me.

This might be a counter-revolutionary thing to say, but I am not a strong, independent woman and I am happy that way.

I depend on my family and they depend on me. I am not on the front line fighting battles, I am not the go-getter and not the leader. That’s what my husband does. My job is different. I am the last line of defense. When the battles are over and the dust settles, my job is to create a comfortable place to retreat. We call that place Home.

It hasn’t been easy for me to acknowledge and understand this role. Growing up in America, I knew women can do anything they want. And when all the doors are open for you, it is hard to see which one is right. Recently, one heartbreaking moment made me realize exactly where I want to stand. It was the moment I brought my son into daycare and the world-shattering emotion I saw in his eyes when I told him mommy is going to leave. It put my priorities in order.

I can confidently say that I am not a man’s equal. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be as strong, as smart or as powerful. It does not mean I am inferior or weaker. It doesn’t mean I can’t do a man’s job, whatever that is. It simply means I am different. My function in this world is different, yet equally important.

This is not an excuse to disallow me the basic human rights. Just because I am not a man, does not mean I am not a human being. I deserve to be safe, cared for and respected. It is essential to me to be respected for the things I can do as a woman and not to be compared to a man.

Today is a day to celebrate women all over the world. To celebrate our many accomplishments, the fights we fought and won, the securities we now rightfully enjoy and to be grateful to the women who raised us and inspired us.

So, this morning, when I got dressed, I used a technique women have used long before they had a voice. I let my clothes speak for me. Yes, I can wear kick-ass, sexy shoes! Yes, I can wear baggy jeans. But I’m still putting white bows on my cardigan because I don’t want to make a clear distinction that I am a woman.

I am not your ordinary feminist. I am not fighting to be equal to a man. I am fighting to be respected for being a woman. Somehow this message seems to be getting lost. But it’s important, it has to be noticed. So I called attention to it in the simplest, most feminine way I knew how. I put a bow on it.